So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
