a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
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