Yo dont text me then not text me
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
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