We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
