we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
