i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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