Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
