a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
