Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
