4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
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