Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
