i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
