My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
