We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
3 2 1 whiskey
And my parents said I crawled through the house
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
