This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
