i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
