So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
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According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
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i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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