No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
