If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
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