You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Randomize
