operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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