Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
