I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
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We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
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he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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