I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
