She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
