So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
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