Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
We were destined to go to rehab together
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
