Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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