Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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