He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
