I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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