Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
two words: eviction party
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?