I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Woman Using Lunch Break To Find Another Job Gets Hilariously Snitched On By The Local News
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
28 ‘Thanks For Coming To My Ted Talk Tweets’ Funnier And More Informative Than An Actual Ted Talk
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.