Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.