About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job