every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Randomize
