the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
