fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
