I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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