doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
