Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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