mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
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NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
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She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.