He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
25 People Confess The Most Shocking Things They’ve Ever Seen In Public
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.