My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito