My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
