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the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
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