i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Randomize
