Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Randomize
