dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Randomize
