dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Randomize
