And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
