i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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