i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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