did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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