I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
