apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
