Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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