Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
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