He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
