It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
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She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
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Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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