she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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