shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Randomize
