I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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