You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
