I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
