And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
