I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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