WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I just gargled with NyQuil
Randomize
