I think I am morally bankrupt
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Randomize
