i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Randomize
