Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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