The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
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