My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize