girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
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is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
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She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
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