I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
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