the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
