Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Randomize
