nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
