I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
