She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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