first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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