I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Randomize
