lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Randomize
