mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
