he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
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