Me. At least after what I've been through.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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