when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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