so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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