my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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