last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
