Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
