I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
