Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
This is classic penis vs brain.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Randomize
